Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
