Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
