They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
