Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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