Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
