also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
