So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The adults are the big ones right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
