please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
