I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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