I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
