dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
