dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
