You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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