i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
where are my eyebrows?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
