I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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