It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
