just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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