Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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