So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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