I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
