How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
