Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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