OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I need a burrito and a hug.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
