jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
