ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
either way he was missing a nipple.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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