i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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