I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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