You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
