Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
