i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
