Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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