why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
