I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
