This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
