I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
