just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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