i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
