you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize