I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
