i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
