Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
