Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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