Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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