This girl is more easily done than said...
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
