Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
too bad you live with your parents still
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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