New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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