It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
sick fucks of a feather flock together
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
