you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
