i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
