Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
