in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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