her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
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ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize