Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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