Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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