She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
