I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
