Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Come on in and take your pants off
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