it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
