i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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