I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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