Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your penis caused this!
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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