So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
