For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
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I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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