The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
