you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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