I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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