I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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