No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
