My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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