Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its not stalking. its research.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
