and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
