Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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