saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize